Welcome to Food 101

I went to the doctor on Monday and got some great news; I'm cleared to start eating solid foods! When she told me to go ahead and knock myself out— I took that to mean: We're stopping at Johnny Mack's on the way home to hook me up with a Black Angus Burger topped with blu cheese & bacon, order of fries, a side of buffalo wings, and a Diet Coke to wash it all down! Remember you're talking to a guy with two teeth here, I'm totally ready.

You can imagine my disappointment upon arriving home only to have my mother present me with a bowl of mushy, room-temperature rice-cereal... Seriously, can I at least get a little salt with this stuff?